Dating Sites & New Years Resolution

  For the most part, I like Plenty Of Fish the most.  I paid $35 dollars today for a 3 month subscription which was a waste of money.  I can tell most of the profiles were fakes. How? Because no one post one picture of themselves for a site they have to pay for.  I should have paid for the upgrade from plenty of fish but I have been on the site for years.  For about 10 years I've been on and off the site.  Id say in all, I have gotten maybe 30 messages from different women which is not a lot.

  The site I paid for is called Amigos.  I did meet one girl who asked for my number but hasn't replied yet.  However coincidentally I met Marisol on Plenty of Fish who is definitely real.  She gave me her number and we have started texting already.  I think there maybe something there with her she seems very promising.

  However, there is Angela who is my ex I met coincidentally 3 months ago coming out of domino's.  She is single and surprisingly does not have any kids but I'm not too interested in her.  She did break my heart and she's black.  I'm trying to stay away from black women.  I think this Marisol girl, will be more loving then her.  From what I hear, Latina women are more loving than any other race.  If she does become my girlfriend which I doubt, she would be my first girl I dated that was not black.

  My new years resolution was to get a girlfriend this year.  I have been lonely for too long.  What ever girl does become my new relationship, is going to be very lucky because on the inside I have been dieing to love someone and all I want is someone that will love me equally.

  If a guy is reading this one easy way to get a response from a girl is to message them all a simple "hello how are you?" because statistically 85% will not reply so there is no need to write any more than that.  Some say they won't respond to it but trust me they do.  Why? Because you'd have to be a desperate bozo to type more than that.  You don't know her so why say anything else!

  My problem is that when I get a reply I don't know how to keep the conversation going.  Only when the girl is really interested will it be that easy to get a decent conversation going.  Otherwise, you'd have to spit some major game which they probably heard already.

  Anyhow, I am rooting for this Marisol girl because she seems awesome.  Crossing fingers!

Sincerely,
Prinze Marrero
 
 

Yelling In My Sleep

  Sometimes I can remember and there are times when I cannot.  For the longest time I have always went to sleep two ways; thinking myself to sleep and stretching my legs out to sleep.  Last night, another episode happen to where I screamed in my dream. Edgar comes out the room in a panic, "Are you okay, you scared the Sh** out of me?"

  The last episode I had before that one, I was over my best friends house sleeping on the coach except this time I remember why I screamed.  I don't know what the dream was about but I do know that if I didn't scream I wouldn't get help.  My brother was sleeping on the floor at the time and he said "I put the covers over my face like a little kid, peeping at the top of the covers." He thought I was possessed.

  I remember my mom stating when I was younger that I used to cry in my crib for no reason.  I'd cry historically like someone was hurting me.  What does a baby dream about? What does a baby dream about to scream out loud?


  Researching, I found there is disorder called Night Terrors. Its a disorder that allows your worst fear to come true.  You'll sit up and scream thinking your awake but your not. When you finally awake, you don't remember or barely remember anything.  What is my worst fear?  Losing my son!  It would make sense it happened then night it did, because that day I went to child support and settled for the amount of $323 a month.  When I asked about custody they said I won't get it because I didn't marry her.  The agent said he was 100% hers and I'd have to go to through a whole other process to gain some kind of custody.  Whether or not I'd ever see him would be soley her decision.  You would think paying child support would allow me some custody or at least visitation but not according to Georgia law.  Thus, I signed a paper to a sort of devil's advocate program.  Leaving the child support office, I felt like I lost him again.  No matter how hard I try, or what I do I can't ever catch a break with him.

  The conclusion was me texting his mother and telling her not to contact me any more because it seems like the more I'm there for her, the more I get into bad situations.  She consantly puts me down and says mean things and lies about me to everyone in her life.  I don't really care about that but I do care about is my son.  The last time when we were together, he kept calling me Pedro which made me think she is telling him to along with saying other things that are not true.  How am I suppost to be a father, when the mother hates me?  Hates me so much, she wishes I was dead and tells my son to call me Pedro.  Its because of this I made the decision to stay away from her and him.  I can't ever get ahead if she's always calling me harrassing me about her problems and bills.

  If you were to check phones, you would definitely see that she calls and text me first 95% of the time.   I don't want to but in order for me to get where I want to be in life I'm going to have to pay this child support and leave her and him alone.  It's hurting me and I know it hurts my son.  My best friend, Reggie told me something I'd never forget, "I know you want to be in his life now, but he is going to need you more later on in life because everything is provided for him now".

  I grew up with a father but he was a step-father who lived up to a step-father reputation.  He was mean most of the time but he had his nice moments.  In fact, I think Ill write a blog just for him.  2012 was one of my best years ever.  Maybe 2013, is going to be the worst.  Regardless I don't think it will be as good as the year 2012.  There's nothing more I want than to be apart of my son's life but it looks like that thought will have to wait.  I can't deal with her lies and deception anymore so my best bet is to just get ready for the future.  Maybe my son will forgive me maybe he won't but I have more than enough proof to show him I tried.  I never met my real father nor have ever seen him and I'd hate for him to go through that feeling.



  I had a dream once that I lost my son playing with him outside sort of like the way Tom Cruise did in Minority Report.  I woke up so scared I didn't scream because my stomach was stuck in like someone punched it.  When I get really scared that's what happens to my body.  My stomach caves in and I can barely talk.  It's not to often I get scared but sometimes my dreams seem like virtual reality.

  This year I don't know what to expect and my only option is to be ready for anything or anyone. 


Sincerely,
Prinze Marrero